Monday, November 8, 2010

Cutting back? No. I don't know how to do that.

I have learned somethng about myself, lo and these many years. This is crazy, deep-down honesty here.
Are you ready for it?
The truth?
You can't handle the truth. (Sorry. I am so sorry. But I had to say it.)
Okay, here we go.
True confession time:

Restraint is not one of my strong suits.

I know, I know, I can hear the gasp of disbelief from here.

But here's the thing. I like what I have. If anything, I want more. So if, for some reason, having what I have becomes difficult or (God Forbid) impossible, then I would choose to find a way to make it happen, rather than deciding what I can live without.

I would rather work harder to maintain the status quo, then give up anything.

I like eating out.
I like buying new (or new to me) clothes.
I like driving a relatively new car.
I like my house.
I like living in Hawaii.
I like it all, baby. And I'm not giving up NOTHING.

I would be the worst dieter ever. I can't even talk myself out of a Coke Icee.
Even when we were getting WIC, I was still buying brie with quarters I found in between the couch cushions, and toasting the marked down day-old french bread so I would have something to smear it on.

And I think, rather then feel badly (because clearly my issues are very 1st world and I should actually just be ashamed of all that I have when others have nothing) I should stand up and say "I work my ass off for this, and I am going to enjoy it." I would rather live my life to it's fullest and spend every last dime, than squirrel away every extra dollar for a rainy day, then get hit by a bus next week. (God Forbid.) (Note to self, be very careful driving and walking for the next 2 weeks.) (P.S. I am an idiot.)

All this is to say that while I do love to work, and I enjoy all that I have, I am exhausted. And at some point, in the not too distant future, I am going to have to cut this crazy schedule out. Without cutting out anything else.

I am getting serious, people.

Things are going to be changing around here.

And I'm not just talking about the sheets on my bed (but I'm changing those too, just on principle).

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