Monday, June 14, 2010

The Ugly American meets her match

I am sitting here in an apartment in San Francisco, sucking on a caramel macchiato, trying to find an unlocked wireless internet account somewhere in this neighborhood. But apparently, unlike our little country town, people in the big city keep their wireless internet locked up tight.

Greedy bastards.

After an exceptionally long day of travel and fun yesterday, which involved about 7 hours of sleep in 3 days, an airplane, numerous shuttle buses and a few moments of panic here and there, we slept until 10am this morning - which was both miraculous and desperately needed. We took our time, ventured out into the neighborhood for coffee, and then headed down to Fisherman's Wharf to walk and gawk. Right out of the gate, caffeine in hand, I wandered into one of those little Asian import dollar stores filled with cheap housewares, weird shoes, and strange Asian-themed decor. It was like manna from fucking heaven. I got some socks with individual toes, I got some kick ass mary janes, and I got a reusable shopping bag because my chicobag is about to shit the bit and I gotta send that in to be recycled. I love my chicobag. If you don't have one, and you are still carrying around ANY OTHER KIND OF BAG you are wasting your time and simply not as cool as you could be. I love my chicobag with a crazy, sick passion. It is the first reusable bag that I actually get any use out of at all. It fits in my purse so that I actually do have it with me all the time, and I hooked it on to the zipper of my wallet, so that I REMEMBER TO USE IT which as we all know is at least 50% of the battle right there. So while this bag is just a cheap imitation, and only holds about half the stuff that my beloved chicobag will hold, it will suffice.

**And FYI I am not getting paid by chicobag to plug the hell out of them but if they want to send me a replacement bag they could totally do that and I would love them even more (if that is even fucking possible, which really - it's hard to imagine). It's about damn time I started getting something material out of writing this blog every day. Chicobag, you are already a groundbreaker......this is your chance for an encore. Rock it.

So after my adventures in imports, we went on down to Fisherman's Wharf and entered a sea of humanity the likes of which only exists in American cities at points of interest. There are tourists all over the world, but Americans take it to a whole new level. We ate some, we walked some, we enjoyed the lovely weather, and had just about all I can take of my fellow countrymen. Jesus, we are a strange, loud, and obnoxious group of folks. It was funny, we were standing at Pier 39 watching the sea lions, and all I kept thinking was how the people laughing and pointing and watcing and jostling for position were behaving EXACTLY LIKE THE SEA LIONS. Shoving and barking and climbing over each other and trying to go onto docks that were clearly marked private to find a better view or more space to spread out, and in general acting like the 500 pound beasts down below. Newsflash people - you do not live in a bubble. THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET WITH YOU. Nevermind the planet, actually, how about the fucking SIDEWALK. I am exhausted from trying to walk behind people that are completely oblivious to their surroundings, other then whatever has caught their eye and caused them to come to an abrupt stop in the middle of the street/sidewalk/store/what have you and cause everyone else to also come to a screeching halt. Annoying, to say the least.

Now the kids are glazed over in front of Spongebob (gag) which is another lovely American institution that annoys the ever-loving SHIT out of me, so I am trying to get some news out to you. I have no idea how I am actually going to post this, I guess I'll carry my netbook with me tonight in a desperate attempt to log on. I am so glad my email comes to my phone so I don't have to worry about that. Seriously, I had no idea I was so internet dependent.................this is the worst detox ever........

1 comment:

Ro said...

I'm furiously googling "chicobag" ... sounds far to amazing to just let that one slide. If I buy one should I contact their corporate offices so you get some sort of commission? I'll tell them that they came highly recommended by an "Ugly American" who was trying to steal internet access whilst pushing people off of the sidewalk at Fisherman's Wharf. :)