Friday, March 6, 2009

Chicks are crazy

So, to follow up on my previous post, "Guys Who Leave" I think it is important to make sure the girls get equal be fair.

Because let's just get right to the point - girls can be some crazy bitches.

We all know a couple of crazy, stalker girls. We know the ones we wouldn't want hanging out with our husbands or boyfriends (or brothers for the matter). We know the ones who are just nothing but trouble.

And at the root of it all, the problem is the same as with Guys Who Leave. Complete and total self-absorbtion. Everything must be about them. All the time. And conversely, it's always someone else's fault.


My favorite crazy as a coot story about a girl, is about my husband's ex. She had, let's put it nicely, A Hard Time Letting Go. She liked to park across the street from his house (even on our wedding day) and walk on the beach in front of his house, where she might bump into him or his family members, and she might casually be able to strike up a conversation. That it was a private beach didn't matter a whit. She sent us a card when we had our first child, too. Creepy. She's still single by the way, so guys, if you are interested, let me know !

And of course, in my personal experience as a child (well, I was 24, but WHATEVER) of divorce, I had my fair share of fallout from the interaction between my parents and my father's subsequent partner (which is just the nicest way I can think of to refer to her. I had a LOT of other options, trust me. Oh, the language I could have used would have probably blown up your monitor.)

I can tell you one thing. When a girl is a third party in a relationship, there is bound o be some face time, and what starts out as a relatively calm (if completely inappropriate) conversation along the lines of "We love each other, why can't you let him go?" can turn into a full-scale, claws out, hair pulling, ultimate fighting event that could be on pay per view. My one and only actual physical fight was over a boy, in a playground when I was a teenager. I hate to even bring it up, because I am embarrassed to have ever been a part of that whole event...but it did make good entertainment for the guys playing basketball. I have swept that entire day under the rug because I am so mortified even now to remember it. I was an ass, and the guy SO wasn't worth it. 'Nuff said.

Sami insists, despite the evidence to the contrary, that I am Not Like Other Girls. I think that is what makes a marriage work - you have to believe that the person you are with is different from all the other assholes running around all willy-nilly. So, since we are both so secure and smug in our good fortune of marrying someone who isn't a jerk, we have a lot of conversations about Guys who are Irresponsible Assholes. That neatly ties in with our other favorite topic: Girls, and Why We Don't Like a Lot of Them because they are Crazy Bitches.

Girls have a very particlar dynamic - unlike guys - which allows them to take things further. Relationships are far more intense (with men, and with other women). Girls can be bitchy - really bitchy - and unpredicatable. And what about the girls who leave ? They are out there - women who have entered into a committed relationship, and had children with a partner, and then leave. Walk out the door. Leave children motherless. Leave men foundering in their wake. I have a very hard time understanding how you can grow another person in your body, under your heart, share blood and food and sustain them for 10 months (and we can get into this later, but 40 weeks is 10 months, people, not 9. NOT NINE.) and then raise them for a while, and eventually decide that you have something better to do.

No, you don't. You don't have anything better to do. Once you have children, your most important responsiblity is raising them to be productive members of society. In other words, make sure they don't turn out to be the aforementioned Assholes and Crazy Bitches. It takes work. It takes dedication. You will not be the most important thing in your life ever again. Get Over Yourself. You had your day in the sun. Now you have stretchmarks, and you should stay out of the sun and keep those things covered UP girlfriend. Plus, wear a hat - sun is hell on aging skin. But I digress.

Listen. I can be an unholy bitch a lot of the time (oh, yes I can). And I have been the star of many a crazy bitch scenario.....but there are limits to my madness. At the core, at the very root, I have some dignity, some self-respect, and some priorities.

Even when I was single, I had a few ground rules.

Don't get involved with anyone who has a wife was rule number one. (I would just like to note - a lot of people don't really adhere to that rule. It's a shame.)

Don't try to talk someone into being with you (This is a particularly hard one - I am a salesperson at heart, and I love a challenge. But really. See dignity, above.)

Don't make a whole bunch of compromises or lie to yourself about what is going to work for you. (Again, this can be tough - to admit that something might not work, even though it would be fun for a while....hard to walk away from that one.)

Don't be a crazy stalker. (Now, this one seems straightforward, until you *just happen* to be driving by their house/job/hangout, and catch yourself looking for thier car. DON'T DO IT. Do NOT go in. Trust me, it won't go well, and you will not receive the warm reception you are envisioning.)

So, with those rules out of the way, I am going to just say this.

Any partner who walks out because it is too hard, is going to be walking a much harder path later on. Karma is a bitch. There is a kind, graceful and respectful way to get out of anything - including a relationship. Even with kids involved, it can be handled in a way that minimizes the damage caused by a complete and total upheaval in Life as They Know It.

In short: Don't be an asshole.

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