The thing about this is.....

I know, I know, it's my second post of the day, and really - Have I NOTHING better to do then blather on about nothing? But I figure only a few people are actually reading this, so I can post as much or as little as a I damn well want to, because really, who the hell cares anyway ?

Ah - a tangent. Oh, how I love those. That is the thing about blogging. Do we write in the hopes that someone cares, and will read it ? Or under the assumption that no one cares, and no one will read it, and we are just writing for the exercise, for the process, for the digestion of thought and event? It's a dichotomy I cannot get into tonight, but still, it is present in every blog that you read - or write. Along the same lines as "if a bear shits in the woods......" but in this case, the question is: if no one is reading, will you still write ?

For me, the simple short answer is "yes". I write assuming, actually, that no one will read, and then I am always surprised when someone actually does.

Tonight I am compiling Sami's call list, names and numbers of my dear friends who have all put forth multiple offers to assist whenever, however they can next week if I do indeed have surgery. I am overwhelmed with the love and support that my friends here have always offered to us. Keep in mind, we knew 2 people on island - in total, TWO PEOPLE - when we moved to Maui. Two people is not a lot of people. It is hardly the sort of thing you build a community with - but guess what. Two people are what created this crazy world. It just takes one friendly face, one offer of kindness, to form a lasting relationship. My mommy friends from the park, my girl friends from my bookclub, this chick I met in a nail salon, another one who tracked me down on mySpace, a few kids from Iowa, a girl I worked with and her mom - who I also worked with years later purely by coincidence and is now my "maui mom" - plus her sisters and their friends, and then my neighbors-turned-family and my web girls - they are all out in full force, ready and willing to assist.

It is really so incredibly thoughtful of them, because they probably think I am being a huge bitch right now. I haven't called anyone lately - mostly because I have no idea what is actually happening on Tuesday, and because I am embarrased to have yet another health crisis, but also because I hate talking about feeling like crap. It's boring. So I come on here and vent away about how crappy I feel, and then I get back to my "real life" where I try to limit my bitching to my endlessly patient husband. I eat, I sleep, I bitch - it's on repeat. Though it may seem like I am being rude, or giving everyone the cold shoulder, in actuality I am *trying* to shield everyone from my whining.

But, in an attempt to let people know what was going on, when I left the clinic on Friday, I called my mom, and my maui mom. Then I called two "representative friends" to give them the info, so that they could pass it on to others. These two women bridge the divide between neighbors, friends, and mommies, so I figure by getting them started with the info, everyone that needs to know (or gives a shit) can get the necessary info as directly, and factually, as possible. I am not creating a phone tree, for god's sake, which is *exactly* why I stopped calling people. Neediness is unattractive. Yuck. But I had better get comfortable with it fast, because holy cow, I am going to be needing everyone on deck next week.

Luckily, I can ease into this comfort with being needy - the only thing I need right now is chocolate. And maybe some tea. And definitely a pain killer. Because I may not have mentioned it lately, but I feel like shit.