Running on Empty

I am not sleeping well, and feeling that my life is just slightly out of my control. Not a pretty feeling. I keep hoping that a good night's sleep, or maybe a nice nap, will help to clear my head - but that hasn't been happening either.

Last night was a perfect example of things being out of my control.
Sami had practice, so in an effort to preserve my children's hearing, we left the house and went to town. I had no plan, no destination, still managed to kill $100 at Walmart - mostly on training pants and some on party favors for Max's birthday and his class goodie bags - both of which will be needed the week we get back from the mainland, so clearly I needed to get those prepared NOW rather then right when I get home, the few days before Christmas when I am broke and jet-lagged.

So we are driving home, and it's dinner time, and I bought sausages and brussels sprouts, and I am thinking about dinner in my head, and the phone rigns. Sami wants to know if we want to go to a BBQ at the lead singers house. Right now. We had discussed it earlier, and decided that the kids were realy tired and could do with a quiet night at home. So the question kind of threw me. I figured he was asking because he really wanted to go......so I said OK.

Dinner was hamburgers, hotdogs and sausages YUM ! I was starving !).....and it took almost 2 hours and a trip to our house for the propane tank in order to get the grill fired up and the food cooked. By now, it's almost 8:30, and the kids are a MESS. So I wanted to leave, told Sami we needed to leave, gave everyone in my little family the news that we were leaving.......But short of screaming hysterically and carrying people out of there, no one was going to go. And I was pissed.

So a day that had gone fairly well turned into a shit storm, because Sami and I were apparently not communicating well. By communicating well, I mean doing exactly what I say as soon as I say it, which I think is a COMPLETELY reasonable expectation. Expecially considering the circumstances. Our leaving was really the only thing to do, in order for everyone else to enjoy their evening.....but Sami has a problem leaving places. It takes forever. He stops to have a bunch of conversations instead of just hollering "GOODBYE" and peeling out of the driveway, What matters is that we are home. And I feel a certainly amount of control again, and the kids are happy, and the laundry is washed, and the bed is changed, and I have something in mind for dinner.....

Really, it doesn't take much to make me a happy girl.

It's over

OK, so open mike night did NOT pan out.

I had good intentions. A few bloody marys to loosen up, grab the mike, sing some songs, and then collapse in nervous shock and have to be fed dessert by my husband while shuddering and hating myself for putting myself out there for some serious public humiliation.

So part one went great. I drank puh-LENTY of bloody marys. And then Iwas kind of too drunk to perform. SO we waited for a while to see if I would sober up. And then the restauran got VERY crowded, and I freaked out.

Because not only am I not a fan of performing in public, I am also not a fan of crowds. Especially crowds in Paia. Especially on Halloween. On a REGULAR day Paia has a lot of freaks, many dressed in something that sure looks like a costume - except it's just their regular clothes.
Case in point:
I worked during the day yesterday, wearing a Mad Max wife-beater, army pants, a skull bandanna on my head, and a large amount of 1980-era blue eye makeup. And a side pony tail. A customer actually called me over to settle a disagreement at the table - was I in costume ? Several people didn't think so.

I will have to get my hands on the photos from yesterday and last night, because I Am Sure there are some good ones. I'll post them ASAP. In the meantime, all of our friends who sat around waiting for me to perform last night have vowed to return for each and every open mike night until I actually get up there. One even volunteered to stand next to me and hold my hand. THAT is a true friend.