Three Things

Have you ever visited Mighty Girl?

You should. I find her very inspiring, and her style? Well, obviously she's got that in spades, which is something I enjoy vicariously.

And she's got the list. This life list. This Mighty Life List. And she has had several companies sponsor her as she crosses these items off her list. Needless to say, her list is fucking awesome. And some of the items really NEED a corporate sponsor. So yay Maggie for finding a way to make it happen. We should all be so lucky.

In the glaring absence of corporate sponsors (and since I am between jobs, I don't really have any damn sponsor at all except my husband who is basically sponsoring my entire life - so it seems shitty to throw a list at hime of Things I Want to do Before I Die that He Needs to Pay For) I have embraced her goal for this month of crossing 3 items off her list.

Let me rephrase that. I'm not crossing things off HER list, I'm crossing them off my own. 3 items off MY LIST.

Only I didn't have a list. I still don't have a list,. That's on my list for next month.

But in the meantime, I did manage to accomplish three things that I have always wanted to do, or was scared to do, or wondered if I would be able to do, or thought I couldn't do, or some combination of those options:

1. I stood up for myself, and walked out of a job even though I needed the money. I held my head up, and I was the better person. I did not throw a fit, or act like an ass. You know how sometimes, someone says or does something nasty, and for 2 weeks you wander around muttering all of the snappy comebacks you wish you had been able to come up with at the time? I didn't have that. I am 110% at peace with how it all went down, and it was a life-altering experience. I hope you never find yourself in that position, but if you do, I hope that in the end, you look back on it and say "I am proud of how I handled that".

2. I joined the roller derby. Good God. I totally did. I bought skates, I went to practice, and I loved it. I am petrified, and sore, and at the same time completely thrilled. I needed to have something for me. I don't go to the gym (I think we have covered that) and I have never excelled at team sports, but man......I think I can do this.

3. I sent out a query. Instead of thinking of story ideas in bed as I fall asleep, forgetting them in the morning, and then reading the article I had in my head - with someone else's byline - a few months later, I came home, sat down, wrote up a proposal for a story, and faxed it along with samples of my writing. And while of course I hope that it gets picked up, and that they love it, even just faxing that initial letter tonight was an accomplishment. It was a major hurdle. It was something I have always assumed I wasn't good enough to do and tonight I just.......did it. I didn't follow any samples online, I just wrote from the heart, because that' show I write. And if how I write doesn't get their attention, then I'm not writing the way I should be and I shouldn't get the gig ANYWAY. So fingers crossed that something I submitted interests them enough to contact me, but even if I never hear, back, I will be less hesitant to submit my next story idea (but if this doesn't work, then next time I am actually going to follow the professional suggestions).

Alright, so there you have it. 3 things down.

Next month, 3 more.

It all comes down to this.

Today we had our parent interview at the school we hope to send the kids to next year.

I wore my pearls and my dress pants, Sami put on a (gasp) button down shirt, and we made our way over to the school, trying not to seem too overwraught. Okay, desperate. We were trying not to seem desperate.

Hah.

We sat outside in the wind, waiting to be let in. Their was another set of parent shaving their interview ahead of us. The mother kept going outside to talk on the phone - so the interview was running long. I was annoyed.  I thought it was rude to make us wait without acknowledging us sitting there alone outside, locked out of the building "because the secretary wasn't there."  I thought it was incredibly rude of the other parent to not SHUT HER FUCKING PHONE OFF for her parent interview with the principal of the school she wanted to send her kids to. So I was already in a bit of a snit by the time the principal opened the door and let us actually come INDOORS. It was like some weird test, to see if we had the strength of character to sit and be uncomfortable and Wait Our Turn, and then graciously accept her half-hearted apology which was something along the lines of "Thanks for waiting, at least it wasn't raining."

Wow.

We sat down and talked about the kids, about what we were looking for in a school, and were basically told that Lucy was going to be offered a spot, but that they hadn't decided about Max. His test scores were low, he wasn't very motivated during the testing, etc. etc . etc.

I am not going to make excuses for Max. He has his challenges, but is a sweet-natured, bright kid. He responds well to structure, and to authority. He is pretty compliant and well-behaved. He is also, well, maybe kind of, um....how to explain. The public school here does not expect much from their students, and so he learned to do the bare minimum to get by. Which is, ironically, WHY we are trying to get him into this private school. We want him to do better, and we want his teachers to expect him to do his best.

I have concerns about the fact that they tested him before he had ever visited the campus, or met the teacher, or interacted with any of the students. It seems like the entire admissions process is based not on my kid - but on his test scores, and how he behaves when he is being tested. Lucy tested like a champ, she was in a good mood that day, and loved the teacher, and was excited about the classroom. For her test she got to draw pictures and answer questions. She had - from start to finish - a totally different experience then Max did.

I am left to wonder if I am being defensive because he's my kid, or if this admissions procedure is just proof that this is not the right school for him. Either way, I didn't feel good about the interview. I feel like maybe they were just feeling us out, to see if we would send Lucy if they didn't offer Max a spot as well. Which of course, we won't.

But maybe I am being cynical. Maybe they were giving us the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they were trying to learn more about Max, to see if the issue was his response to testing, or his grasp of basic math concepts and ability to write an essay. Because he definitely CAN. He just doesn't WANT to.

This is one of those times when I hate being the grownup.

Of COURSE that would happen

So yesterday, when I was all cocky and gloating about the tickets I bought to fly to Seattle, and how cheap they were, and how they were non-refundable because *nothing* was going to keep me from going? Yeah.

Lucy has an ear infection. An ear infection that elicited this response from the doctor: "Oh, ew. You can see all the green snot behind her ear drum."

Nice one.

So we brought home a loverly bottle of antibiotics, and I am going to pump her chalk full of them so her ear drum clears before we try to fly somewhere. She has a 10 day prescription, which should just about guarantee some sort of yeast infection too.

Sweet.

I am also plyig her with decongestants, and a cough syrup with codeine just because I am a cool mom like that. If you gotta be miserable, you might as well sleep through as much of it as possible. Her cough is hideous....it makes me wince every time I hear it. So while I am bummed that she has an ear infection, I am relieved that it isn't just a cold, and that it will respond to meds and she should be feeling much better very shortly.

Another surprise today (albeit a much nicer one) was a 6:40am phone call, asking me to cover a shift at the cafe, starting in 45 minutes. I know, I know, I have a hard and fast rule that I have to hate *anyone* who calls me before 8am, and usually a phone call at that hour would be answered with "This had better be an emergency" or threats of bodily harm, or at the very least some loud cursing. But the offer of a Sunday shift at the cafe can only be responded to with an enthusiastic "Thank YOU !" because it means beaucoup $ and an early exit from the cafe. Within 30 minutes I was showered, deodorized, and on the road in a freshly laundered apron, listening to NPR and trying to pull my head out of my ass. God I was so tired this morning. I was the kind of tired where you wake up, and you can't believe it is light outside, and you feel like maybe you actually never slept at all, or maybe just fell asleep an hour before. Your eyes are puffy, your head is foggy, your muscles are stiff and sore. So, "How 'Bout Some Breakfast Folks !"

After slogging through a slow but steady kind of day, I hit the wall at about 2pm. I was starting to lose focus, and then some guy wandered in, sort of looking like I felt. Tired, puffy-eyed, slightly disoriented and wearing a "what the HELL just happened" kind of expression. At first I thought he was just weird. Then, I thought maybe he was mildly delayed, or had some sort of a communication problem. After a few minutes of conversation, I suspected he might be high. And then he wandered up to the empty bar and ordered a whiskey and water - and stood up, waiting to drink it. I was pretty sure that he was not of sound mind, but still couldn't tell if it was chemically induced. I stalled. I needed someone else to make the call. I was too tired to be completely, totally sure. And I didn't feel like dealing with a confrontation if I refused to serve him.

I needed backup.

My manager walked in and I introduced her, explaining that she would be working the bar. She and I had a little non-verbal communication, I poured the drink, she watched, and then......he staggered. Just a little. But enough. Quick as a flash, she took the drink away, and handed him back the money he had just put down on the bar. He didn't argue - he just took his money and left. We both stood there, watching him go. I was relieved, something hadn't felt right at all. She and I looked at each other, and shook our heads, then reassured each other that we had made the right decision. We also discovered that it was the first time either of us had ever refused service to someone. I mean, I have cut people off many a time. But never have I had to refuse to serve someone at all.

I am home now, lying in bed, and I am ready for a good night's sleep. Tomorrow is filled with St Patrick's Day preparations (soda bread !) and organizing the chaos in this house. I envision many trips up and down the attic ladder - lugging up the last of the sorted "do not sell" items, and tugging down the suitcases necessary for a family of four to travel to a cold weather climate. And on the next sunny day, so help me, I am dragging all of our yard sale crap out in the yard and trying to get someone to buy it.

You likey? One Dollah.

A Sure Thing

I made some decisions today that were based on a sure thing.

First, I decided to give up my "on call" at the restaurant tonight, and take a babysitting gig here at the house. And what a good decision THAT was - this kid is pretty much, um, the easiest child ever. Ever.

He rubbed his face, I asked him if he wanted to put on his jammies, he grabbed them out of his diaper bag, I changed him, and he lay down on the couch and fell asleep.

No lie.

Getting my kids to go to sleep was such a damn production - I don't know why, it just was. So this is a pleasure, and at the same time, a golden opportunity for me to second-guess my parenting skills. (sigh).

Another decision I made this week was to book a trip to Seattle to see my family - who had planned a trip there in the hopes that we would be able to meet them for a long weekend. So that is exactly what we are doing. I booked non-refundable air, because I am definitely going, come hell or high water.

And because it was cheap.

And because I promised I would be there for a certain someone's birthday, and I do not lie to 3 year old girls with big eyes. I arrived in Seattle 4 years ago, on the morning of her birth, and I couldn't be more excited to be there for her birthday party, with my OWN little girl, who will celebrate her own 4th birthday 2 weeks later.

Coincidentally, *someone* still has not resolved the issue mentioned in an earlier post. And that issue actually has roots in Seattle. So basically, I am going to send him out to deal with his issue. And hopefully, he'll come back to the hotel with a solution that will make the entire trip worthwhile. Or, he'll be sleeping in the hallway on a room service cart, wrapped in a tablecloth. It could go either way.

Things that would be awesome

As we launch into a New Year, I am looking straight ahead. I am not in the mood to reminisce or reflect on a damn thing.

2008. We survived. woohoo.

There are a lot of things I am looking forward to, hoping for, dreaming of......things that scare me a little, sometimes......but I think a healthy dose of fear is a good survival strategy.

Here are just a few of the things I am anticipating in oh-nine - some with more joy then others.


Taking a family vacation that does not involve visiting family. We try to do this once a year. With our current finances, it may not be possible, but I am going to do my damndest.

Lucy starting nursery school. The baby is officially not a baby anymore.

Weaning off of a few of my many, many jobs. Because I do so many things so part time, I find myself feeling like Jack of all trades, master of none. I need to focus, people.

Finishing the house. Oh, to dream.

The births of a cousin, a second cousin, and some other new arrivals.

One full year without abdominal surgery or any other weird medical issues requiring unpleasant testing.

Mastering the art of indian food - curries, in particular, are kicking my ass. Why can't I make a decent curry ? WHY ???

And then, there's the whole Swearing In of the New President. May he meet and exceed my expectations, and lead this country in a way that is inclusive, positive, straightforward and honest. May he consult advisors of different backgrounds, beliefs and experiences. May he reassure the millions of Americans that feel disenfranchised, that are disappointed or afraid or fed up. He is stepping into a job that I would never, ever wish on anyone - but it has to be done, and I think he is a good choice to take on the myriad challenges of being President of the United States in 2009. I don't know how it's all going to turn out, but the very act of voting is an act of faith. Faith that your vote will be counted. That your vote will bring better days.


And really, that's it. For 2009, I am anticipating better days. I have held on, waiting for this day, this year, this time in my life. And it's here. I'm ready.

Bring it on.