I have had somewhere around a dozen abdominal surgeries, from the fairly minor laporoscopic to the major hip to hip incision. I have had staples, but it turns out I was allergic to those. Or something. Anyway, I don't get staples anymore. When I have surgery, I always request stitches.
(That makes surgery sound like ordering a steak: "When I order steak, I always get it medium rare")
But its true. I also have lengthy conversations with my anesthesiologist about how easy I am to put to sleep, and how if he gives me too much I will not wake up for several days and then I will have to stay in the hospital longer. This has happened. I went in once for an outpatient laparoscopy, and woke up in the back of an ambulance being transported from the surgical center to the hospital.
Very Upsetting Way To Come Out Of Anesthesia number 4356
And I always get anti-nausea drugs in my IV. Oh yes I do. If they do't give them to me, the nurses in the recovery room make threatening phone calls to the anesthesiologist because I have thrown up all over the place and they are not pleased.
Supposedly, the surgeries are behind me..but they said that 2 surgeries ago, so I'm not feeling real confident about that. Point is, I have had a lot of surgeries, but the last one was several years ago. So this afternoon, when I casually scratched my stomach, the last thing I expected was to pull a stitch.
But I did.
Right there, on the side of my tummy, from god knows which laparoscopy, was a little thread. Just poking out. Like it belonged there. Like I was fucking frankenstein or something.
I was sort of scared to pull on it - I mean, what if my whole stomach came unsewn or something?
But it was itching.
So I pulled it. And I'm not gonna lie, it totally made me gag.
If it was closer to Halloween, I would have totally left it in, and maybe even drawn in some more, and incorporated it into my costume. Or something.
22 hours ago