Sunday, August 31, 2008

Hey, you. Come rub my legs.

Oh. My. God.

I am old. Really, really old.

I worked ONE shift at the cafe today and I am about to saw my legs completely off to end the suffering. Thank god I have a drawerful of prescriptions, I am going to need each and every one of them in the next 24 hours. First I am going to lie down with my legs extended up along the wall. Hopefully, that will help, if not, I have a full arsenal of rubs and liniments and pills and hot and cold packs and mineral lamps and acupressure points and then, I will make my husband rub my legs.

OK, maybe I would want him to do that anyway.

But it was a great day, I was finally set loose to work and earn tips and meet the regulars and ohmygosh it was so much fun. Tourism is down, for sure, so it can be slow at points during the day, but that gives me a chance to catch up and drink some water and get some fresh air out back. The girls I have worked with so far have been really wonderful, some are mommies, all are very supportive and cool about answering my questions ("Where are the toothpicks?" "How do I add a side of rice?" "Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck I really fucked up.....HELP?!")

And when I got home all exhausted and gross, I didn't have to cook dinner, because our darling neighbors had invited us over for a BBQ ! YAY !!!!!!! So I jumped in the shower, and Sami scooped up all of my tips for a post-dinner poker game (Um, not exactly what I had in mind for my tip money, but OK then) and we headed out with sausages and a plate of goat cheese and pepper-jelly crostini (don't knock it until you've tried it).

Now I am home with freshly bathed kids snoozing in their rooms, and Sami is doubling down with my tips if he knows what is good for him, and all is right with the world.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Motivation - it's my middle name

No, not really. My middle name is Frisbie, and that is a conversation for another time.

But today the kids really threw their hearts into being incredibly loud, incredibly early in the morning. So I got them out of the house, and we walked over to the farmer's market in town and bought some fresh Ahi. On the way home, I called Becky, and she and the fam will be over later for dinner. The house is sort-of clean, so of course, I am parked on my butt, recovering from the morning that started with a 2 mile walk in the ever-increasing heat, continued on to Yoga, then marathon errands for 3 hours. I am freaking exhausted. And I don't have a 4 month old. Sorry. I just had to put that in there.

I am thinking that I will take a shower, and some of the herbs the acupuncturist gave my for the pain, because they do seem to help, and I can't be tripping balls on my prescriptions with company coming - I'll set the house on fire while cooking dinner, or something.

Before I take off - I need to sing the praises of my hot and uber-skilled husband, who replaced the rotted floorboards this morning while I was drowning in downward dog. I love this man. And he's hot. Wait, did I already say that?

Friday, August 29, 2008

Home Alone

Well, not really ALONE per se - that really doesn't happen very often at all. But the kids are sleeping, and Sami is at rehearsal. I had the most incredible tasting menu tonight at Ko - the new restaurant at the Kea Lani. It was SO YUMMY, and so nice to be with my co-workers, who I don't see very often anymore now that McCoy is a "virtual" office. So, we had a great meal, lots of drinks, lots of spirited conversation - especially about the presidential election and the Sex in the City movie (did I mention the conversation was incredibly random ? Yeah, it really was.) We have very die-hard republican who works for the agency, and i was just WAITING to ask him how he felt about McCains choice of a running mate. As expected, this very conservative man was not pleased. Not pleased at all. I was almost giddy in my glee. Really practically rubbing my hands together and cackling, just to see his response.

I am not going to get political here, just as I prefer not to get too preachy or mushy - in this blog or in life - but I just have to stop and say HA HA HA. Because even ultra-feminist me thinks that ANY parent with a four month old baby (never mind one with downs syndrome which I imagine can bring some extra challenges to the already challenging job of parenting) is rested enough to be vice president. (never mind her foreign policy experience) And no offense here, but McCain is an OLD DUDE and my GOD if anything happened to him a mom with a new baby and 4 other kids (one of whom is going to be serving in Iraq) and relatively little political experience, would be running the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. No, I just don't think so. I mean, I think having a mom in the white house would be AWESOME because god knows no one could run this country like a mom - but it seems like maybe we could get a candidate with a little less going on at home ? Or at least, one who's children all sleep through the night ? Because I know that for the first two years of parenthood, I was EXHAUSTED and barely able to keep up with the laundry. Never mind trying to keep up with running a country. I mean, there were days when I totally forgot to check my email for god's sake !

So anyway, that is my two cents. At first, I saw the headlines and thought "That wiley old bastard" but then I thought about it, and read some more about her, and realized he was a crazy old coot. Kind of like my dad - but he is definitely not running for president. He's way too high for that sort of nonsense.

Reality Check

This morning, as I was lying in bed, feeling relieved that I was not nauseous and sweaty anymore (I hate Gatorade, but I have to admit it really does the trick for dehydration) the kids came and piled up on the bed. After getting them situated with movies so Sami could sleep some more, I came onine to check my emails and read some blogs and chill out for a few moments of quiet time.

From time to time, a blog will bring my attention to an event or need or catastrophy - and it is always such a reality check. Today, that reality check was provided by and

A young family - mom, dad, and 4 kids, are in the middle of one of those times in life that tends to make everyone who hears about it remember to connect with their fellow man, and celebrate their daily life. Not to get preachy and weird, here, but the two young parents, Stephanie and Christian, were in a small plane crash and remain in drug induced comas in a burn center in Arizona. It is going to be a very long haul. Can you imagine if something even close to that extreme happened to your family or friends ? What would you DO ? And what if it happened to you ? Yeah, well, just think about it. Then go wiggle your toes in the sunshine, and enjoy your life a bit.

Today, in my own personal celebration of life, I am going to the Kea Lani to hang out and eat some fine food with my co-workers and friends. And I will appreciate the experience all the more, remembering that I have health, and family, and home and friends.......and that I am not in a burn unit struggling for my life and having skin scraping surgeries and god knows what else. My thoughts are with the Nielsons. I had never heard of them until this morning, and now, they will be in my heart.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

A new low

So, I started my new job yesterday, and continued today. Trained (that means "work for free" in restaurant=speak) my ass off - bussing tables, entering other waitresses orders into the computer, running their food, cleaning - grunt work, that does not earn tips. What it does do, however, is bring on sudden heat exhaustion when you are already hot and dehydrated, and then get zonked with a massive hot flash.

It was spectacular.

I turned a gorgeous shade of purple, then puked (in the men's room, to add some dignity to the situation.)

Because I was indeed working for free, I decided to leave. Good call, huh ? Yeah, I thought so too. I tried to carry on, but the smell of fresh coffee grounds sent me reeling and I decided that perhaps the lunch shift was going to have to survive without me.

So I came home and climbed into the shower, where I sat in a heap under th water, scrubbing mindlessly at a spot on the tile and waiting to feel better. Then I curled up on my bed, and waited to feel better. I sipped some water, then some juice. I went and picked up the kids, and came to lie down some more, now with gatorade and good intentions.

I know, you must be *so* impressed. What a pussy. I am horrified by my own show of weakness. And now, back to my regularly scheduled rehydration.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

"I'm just not cut out to be a mommy"

Today, my daughter informed me that she didn't think she wanted to have children.

She said "I'm not cut out for being a mommy."
and I asked, with a lot of concern: "Why not?"

Without missing a beat, she informed me that children could be "whiney" and that she just "wasn't cut out for that stuff."

Oh, my god.

These kids have crazy vocabularies. They may not pronounce the words correctly, but they know what they are talking about. Do not screw with them, they could get Mother Theresa - posthumously - to confess to some horrible crime by twisting her words around and pestering her with repetitious questions until she just covered her ears and screamed "Yes, fine, OK, I don't know, whatever you say."

I know how she feels.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Well there you have it

You shouldn't be surprised, you know. I mean, when did I say I was going to be writing in this blog every day ? Three days ago you say ? Oh.

I'm here, and I am all up in arms because I had to go to Radio Shack, and the sales people in that store skeeve me out. No, seriously. (((shudder))) And they see me coming and nail me for the stupid mommy, and try to sell me whatever is collecting dust on their shelf. Or something very low-tech, you know, so I don't get confused.

Despite their best efforts, I got the correct wireless router (which had been recommended to me by a techie at my office, thank god, because seriously, I had no idea what I was looking for - those guys at Radio Shack have me pegged) brought it home, set it up, and now my computers are BOTH connected to the internet again. Huzzah !

AND, in my other adventures, I was offered a job, and got a call offering me more work, and well, oh my gosh I might actually make some money ! Can you imagine ?! I know, it's pretty crazy stuff. I have been in the land of the self/unemployed for SO LONG that I am a little alarmed at the idea. We'll see how it all shakes out, but I have to force myself to get out of bed and move around a little bit - this will really help me in that department! I believe that it was karmic, as I gave two women a ride this morning during a downpour and I think that the gods smiled down on me and said "what a nice lady, let's get her a part time job that will allow for a lot of freedom and time with her kids !" And VOILA here we sit. Beautiful.

Let's see, what Well, we got the last bag of veggie booty at Mana this morning, THAT was mind blowing, and Lucy announced it to every single person she saw on our way to the register. Seriously. Every. Person. "I got the last bag of veggie boody !" But she's cute, so they were all ooooohing and aaahhhhing and she was loving the attention. I think I remembered to get everything on my list, but I can't be sure because of course, I lost my list. Typical.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Vibrators and jelly(fish)

Today, Max went to a birthday party. This is one of the first "drop off" parties he has attended, and it was a pool party. He was being such a little shit today (sorry, but truly, he was) that I practically chucked him out of the moving vehicle as I drove by the YMCA, I was so glad to be rid of him for a few hours. And the party was hosted by friends, so I knew he would be fine without me, and I could leave him there guilt free.

I came back to pick him up (I know, it surprised me too, I wasn't sure I would actually go back to get him.) and he was clutching a large, gray, plastic, torpedo-shaped THING. I said, "Max, what is that ?" and he tells me, by way of explanation "look, if you push this button it vibrates." Every adults eyes immediately shot p and locked on my kid. I thought maybe I might pass out. "Max where did you FIND THAT?" Thank god, it turns out it was some sort of a pool toy, or so he claimed. Regardless, it was confiscated TOOT SWEET let me tell you. The parents all had a good laugh at my expense, until the birthday boy stuck his hand down his pants while opening gifts. That took some of the attention off of us.

So while Max is running around creating mayhem, I am trying to get out of there ASAP. As I am hustling him to the car, he stops and finds the mom that was throwing this little shindig, and demands his goodie bag. Such a charming boy, isn't he?

We got home and I staggered up to the house loaded down with bags from my errands - and a balloon that (especially considering recent events) looked like an inflated condom with strips of clear tape hanging off of it. I was told it was a balloon jellyfish. Whatever the hell it was, Lucy loved it.

Lucy is pretty easy to please, for the most part. She runs very hot and cold - one minute she loves you and the next minute he is chasing you with a plastic knife threatening to cut you. I don't know where she gets her bi-polar tendencies, but she has 'em in spades. She also loves to dance. She has recently discovered our iPod, and it is her new favorite thing.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Take two

If you have tried to call recently, I apologize. I have turned off the phones. I just can't talk right now, and I would rather not sit around whining about how I feel. As blase as I am about the actual operation a few weeks from now, the symptoms necessitating the surgery are not something I will ever become accustomed to. I have been down this road a time or twelve, and the discomfort is all too familiar. I am tired of thinking about it and dealing with it, quite frankly. But really, it all comes down to this - I just feel like shit.

The most important thing is that I know, with complete certainty, that as soon as I am released from the clinic post-op, and get a few days rest, I am going to feel fabulous ! So I am focusing on that, burrowing deep under my covers with my beloved king-sized heating pad and my laptop, meditating the pain away. If I take the time to do this, to just retreat and focus and heal, I will come through this entire chapter so much more smoothly.

In the meantime, I'm going to write. Every damn day. Even if it is just a haiku about the lint on my pillow, or a memorial to the glasswear my husband keeps shattering on the kitchen floor as he "helps out" around the house, or a rant about the bastard who stole the plastic shell around the side mirror of my car on the passenger side (Dude, seriously ? That is just so fucked up.)

Whatever I am thinking about, chances are it is going to end up here - stream of consciousness style. And with the supply of narcotics and sleeping pills I have on hand (oh Trippy and Terms, how you would be enjoying this) my only hope is that these writings will be vaguely coherent. You can let me know if it gets a little Alice in Wonderland over here. I always said I had a grin like a cheshire cat. Just pass the hooka and everything is gonna be alright.

With enough medication (prescription or otherwise) anyone can be cheerful - here's a perfect illustration of that fact.

And for a giggle, read about the adventures of my friend's husband - featured on today. He was filming an indy flick in MA, and they were shooting a scene in a convenience store. The scene depicted a hold up. You know where I am going with this, don't you? The drector, or producer, or whoever, neglected to notify the local police that there was a fictional crime taking place, with fake guns and actors.... So when the 911 call came in reporting the robbery in progress, the blue lights were on the scene in moments. Thank god no one was shot. Make sure to check out the video.

My husband - rock star style

I'll bet you didn't realize I was married to one of the best bass players EVER. You can't be surprised if you have known me for any length of time. First, because this is the 3rd (4th) dark haired fine looking bass playing man who has stolen my heart. To quote my favorite collegiate bumper sticker, "bass players do it with rhythm". I come by this proclivity honestly, my mother has been known to send demure, admiring glances in the direction of dark haired bass players in her past....but I am such an overachiever, sultry glances weren't going to do it for me - I had to marry one, keep it in the family so to speak.

But if you didn't know about my perilous romantic history, still, it would be hard to miss the guitars hanging from my living room wall, and the amps behind the armchair..... He's got a lot of gear, for sure - and we have a small house, so it's hard to miss. But I think it gives our little cottage a "rock and roll" feel (or at least, that is what I tell myself.) "Oh no, it's not saying college dorm at all - it's saying professional musician lives here!"

Last night, he played at a local bar - they have an eclectic crowd in there, and it is great for people watching. And guessing how many times certain members of the crowd will have to powder their nose, if you know what I'm sayin. An interesting, classy mix of extremely cosmopolitan and well spoken music lovers will not be found at this particular establishment. The owner of the bar showed up drunk and demanded to play the guitar in the middle of the set with a buddy, so Sami and the lead guitarist handed over their instruments and the real show began. I don't know if either of these men actually had any musical skills - but if they did, they were not on display this night. They were barely upright, incoherent, and then they decided that the instruments were out of tune and started to adjust them (you know, to be helpful).

But still, it was great to see Sam on stage again, he is really an excellent musician, and has the whole long-haired rock star look going for him. He also has his share of, ahem, femail fans. But I have that situation well in hand, I do believe. The only reason to wear underwear is to throw it onstage.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

A big "thank you" and "Bravo !"

Hi, remember me ? You may not, as I believe that I was completely INVISIBLE to you today. As was my daughter, and a large number of other small children today at the library, apparently.

I would like to THANK YOU for your rousing performance during today's story time. While standing up with your ASS not 6 inches from my nose, jumping up and down, singing at the top of your lungs, and simultaneously frightening and deafening those around you, you completed your trifecta by royally pissing me off. Yes, I know that there were several other mothers doing the same thing, and trust me, you all came off like total assholes, I promise. Each and every one of you.

My daughter was so upset by what happened today at story time, that I may never get her to re-enter the library. When she went to look for me, she couldn't see me through the throngs of leaping adults. I couldn't hear her calling for me over the screaming/crying/singing/disciplining - and I couldn't see her through your ASS. She ran OUT OF THE LIBRARY looking for me, thinking I had abandoned her at story time. And while i wish that I had also run screaming out of the library, instead I politely climbed through the crowd, trying to get to her, and remove her from what was obviously becoming a traumatic situation. Story time should never be traumatic for the children in attendance.

I have a few things I would like to remind you about.

1. Story time is not for YOU. Sit down and shut up.
2. If your child is not enjoying story time - LEAVE.
3. If your child needs assistance or encouragement or comfort, by all means, sit right next to them or take them into your lap - and remain seated.
4. Unless you are leaving - in which case, please do so as expeditiously as possible. No need to discuss anything with anyone, we all get it, and can clearly see that you are leaving, and usually can surmise why. Just get out, quickly and quietly, and take all of your kids with you.

Below, please see a photo of my daughter at a recent story time. Please note all of the parents in attendance are sitting down, around the periphery of the group. Please note that my daughter is ENJOYING story time.
Thank you for ruining it for her.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

A nice little Wednesday

Today I had a busy BUSY day - both personal and professional.
I had to make some decisions today that were for the best, but didn't feel so deciding to cancel our annual anniversary party because I decided (with my doctor) to schedule a laparoscopy for early September.

I am not scared or nervous about the surgery - I think it is my 11th (?) and I am an old hand at that business.....but I am really bummed about cancelling the party. REALLY. BUMMED. We have such fun each year at that gathering, and it is so hard to decide not to celebrate like we usually do.

To make me feel better about the decision, I have made ANOTHER decision - to celebrate on New Years instead. So we are going ot have a huge New Year's bash, which I will plan accordingly, with plenty of horns and fireworks and music and food. It will be - dare I say it - even more fun then the usual drunken extravaganza.

So now we have to decide how to celebrate our anniversary - post-op, and without party. Sort of limits my options. Becky is going to take the kids overnight (YAHOOO!) but what is a mom to do on her wedding annversary if not pass out face first in someone's lap (2006, I think - sorry about that Shannon) or have a totally stoned priest come and bless the house, including the toilet.

No cops, no beach, no renewal of vows, no big buffet, no hookah, no cake, no sex.....I am going to have to get creative. But hey, that's why he married me. I always come up with something.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

"There's gold in them there cheese !"

Tonight I went to the local chain grocery store. Dubbed "the most expensive grocery store on the planet" by locals, it is not as bad as that...but pretty bad. I shop the sale items ONLY, and I will go weeks (months ?) without stepping foot inside. Tonight I needed a break, and decided to drive over there, get a Starbucks, and do some grocery shopping - ALONE. It's a sad state of affairs when going to the grocery store alone is a treat, but that is just exactly what it was. Plus I had a coupon for Starbucks, so all the better as far as I'm concerned.

Clutching my $2.00 Caramel Macchiato, I wandered up and down the aisles, browsing and planning menus in my head, and calculating how much I was spending per meal. I came to the shredded cheese. I was thinking making tacos, or chili, and I was going to grab some shredded cheese.

EXCEPT the price tag said $8.39.
I admit it - I panicked a little bit. OK, a lot.

I scanned the refrigerated case - that must be the FANCY cheese. The EXPENSIVE cheese. The GOURMET cheese. Maybe it was a huge AMOUNT of cheese? No. It was just plain old shredded cheese. Which is now, apparently, completely out of our price range.

Well, that answers that. No cheese for us this week. Moving on, I saw that prices in the dairy aisle settled down again. It was JUST the cheese - the SHREDDED cheese - that was so ridiculously overpriced. What are they doing to it ? Sprinkling it with gold dust ? Shredding it with diamonds ?

Oh well. It's bad for you anyway. F***ers.

Monday, August 18, 2008

"So, what do you have planned for today?"

My husband asked me this question at 5:15am - I was awake, since I had received a call from the East Coast at 3:13am and had some trouble falling back asleep.

So I sat there, dazed and sleep-deprived, and tried to answer him.

Now that I am not working in an office, my time really is my own - I can run errands as needed, take Lucy out for adventures, read and nap and cook complicated dinners that require hours of preparation. But I rarely have an agenda for the day. And so, when he asked me what I was going to do with myself all day long, and I hesitated before answering, my dear, darling husband smiled and said "Not much, huh?"

No, not much.

By 7:20 I was driving to the school to drop off Max. Then came back to fill Lucy's wading pool and get her into a swimsuit. And then out of a swimsuit, toweled off and dressed again 5 minutes later. I folded 4 loads of laundry, answered my email - both work and personal, and now I am attempting to get some writing accomplished.

I still have dishes to put away, more laundry to tackle, and at some point I might even clean a bit (but don't count on it). And then, there is Facebook, which is practically a part time job in and of itself. If you are not familiar with this website, it takes a lot of getting used to - you are having information thrown at you from every direction, there are pop-ups and links and buttons and selections and dfferent pages on which to display different applications. I feel like once I master Facebook, I'll be able to write code for NASA or something. Jennifer wrote a great blog about Facebook here - - which sums the entire experience up nicely.

But back to my husband's original question - because when he askedwhat I was doing today I am pretty sure he wasn't referring to updating my flair or weeding someone's lil' green patch.

I think my biggest issue with this question is that I am always doing SOMETHING. Very rarely am I lying on my back watching the ceiling fan. But what I do all day is pretty mundane, for the most part. So it's not that I don't have anything planned.....I have a lot of things on my to do list. They just seem so insignificant when taken individually. But as a whole, they are critical to our lives running along smoothly, to my husband being able to go to work every day.

And for the most part, it is very fulfilling. I have to be proactive, getting us out of the house from time to time, staying on track with freelance assignments, making sure that all of the household chores are taken care of. When you are a stay at home mom, the least you can do is make sure you always have milk and toilet paper in the house, and something for dinner. But there is also the question of money - I can't go running off to the store every day to buy "tings we need". The only way to run this house and stay within budget is to keep out of all retail establishments, because seriously, I could blow an inheritance at Minit Stop if left to my own devices.

We made the decision several times over the past 8 years that my being home and raising the kids and running the household was important for our family, our relationship, and my sanity. It was a career in and of itself. It was always left up to me whether I wanted the job or not. But soon, my youngest is going to start nursery school, and then we will have to re-assess whether it is possible for me to continue on in this capacity. I would feel lazy, to be honest, being home without a child to care for. Dropping her off at nursery school, and then coming home BY MYSELF? I haven't been at home by myself for more then an hour or two since before my son was born. It seems decadent. And boring. I might enjoy it for the first week, but after that I could see myself falling into a very unhealthy routine of climbing back into bed and sleeping until it was time to pick her up. I do not have the self-motivation to keep myself on task at home alone all day. The siren call of Facebook would be too strong to resist.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Oh my god, this is just like Christmas morning

Oh my, a fresh start is so damn refreshing, isn't it? Right after this, I am going to take off my tiara and jump in a nice bubble bath, while I listen to my kids screaming at each other just outside the window. It may not be as relaxing as I had hoped for, but I'll take what I can get.

Today is Sunday, and it is also bookclub day. Some background: I joined this bookclub when I first moved to the island, and it has been the most amazing source of comfort, encouragement, love and support. A few yers ago, these women spent almost an entire bookclub meeting discussing my relationship with my father, after he called at the beginning of the meeting. I freaked out when I saw his name on the caller ID, and handed the phone to another club member (Vickie, I owe you one) covering my ears and saying "I just can't do it. I just can't." That poor woman bravely answered the phone, bought me a few minutes to compose myself, passed the handset over to me and held my hand while I hyperventilated, then patted me on my back as I walked to my room to take the call - the first from my father in about 8 years. I cannot imagine a greater group of women then the one waiting for me at the end of that call.

They have thrown baby showers and bridal showers, delivered hot meals, traveled, photographed and otherwise shared many important moments in each oher's lives, and for that I am profoundly grateful. My favorite memory is 20 women packed into a living room during a rainstorm, cheering on my mom as she sang the new version of the ABC song on speaker phone from Rhode Island. These are really great women, and good friends. I won't be at the meeting today, but I will be thinking of them.

I started writing a piece today, and I got through the first few paragraphs before I stopped and sent it over to a mentor for some feedback. I am trying to work up the courage to send more of my writing out to publications, but for now I am mostly keeping it to myself and biding my time, re-reading, editing, and resaving it for later.

Those who followed my other blog will be glad to know that I returned that darn "snatch -n- turtle" book to the library - and I replaced it, unknowingly, with a story about a little girl in Harlem who's parents got divorced and who's grandmother died. Good LORD. Aren't there any stories about innocuous fairy godmothers and dreams coming true? I think we could maybe dial down the reality just A TOUCH in the picture books.

Well, it sounds like my children may actually be runing in the street. And while I know their beloved father is outside overseeing the madness, I think I may need to just stick my head out there and tell everyone to chill out.

Why yes, that is a tiara on my head

I have discovered that the very best way to write is wearing a tiara. It is akin to "putting on my thinking cap" and it is my uniform of choice.

I have been blogging for several years, and have decided that for now, the old blog wil be locked up tight - time capsule style - to allow it time to rest and mature.

It's time for a fresh start, and baby, I am so glad you are along for the ride.